The Fag Hag: How a Girl’s Misguided Friendship Choices Can Lead to a Lifetime of Loneliness | ChristWire

Another great post from one of my favorite satirical websites:

I received an impassioned letter the other day that I’d like to share with you. It reads, in part:

My daughter surprised me by moving into an apartment in the city this summer with 3 gay men. I certainly don’t hate homosexuals but when I paid a visit we spent the entire weekend with these people. We went to a restaurant where the boys were very catty and drunk. Then I slept on their living room couch and that was interesting to say the least… I guess they all think their bedroom doors are sound proof. Next day one of them even came clothes shopping with us! So I’m worried about her finding a real man. She has assured me many times over that she’s a heterosexual but how is she going to find a man to marry if she hangs around these types of people all the time?

This is an incredibly complex issue and to the letter writer and other worried parents out there I will say there is no easy answer. The psychological and physical relationship between heterosexual girls and homosexual males is many layered. It can begin at an early age but, tragically, the consequences can last a lifetime.

PRINCIPLES, PIMPLES & POPULARITY

It is common for young girls who have not socialized properly to seek solace in the company of outcasts. The problem begins in the teenage years when girls are intensely self-conscious about their looks. Not having the right clothes or failing to join a sports team can drive a young person inward and away from her popular peers. Pimples are also a big problem. A girl suffering from pimples feels ashamed and awkward, ugly and unloved. She will hide her face, sit at the back of the classroom and lose interest in meeting boys. Fortunately, pimples and acne are easily addressed by a good dermatologist and the right medications. If your child suffers from pimples, please get involved and monitor your girl’s facial care. It’s a simple thing to do and can really make a difference for her self-esteem and for her ability to meet your expectations. I should note, however, that pimples are also symptomatic of marijuana use so if your child is unwilling to talk to you about her pimples, you may have a far more serious issue on your hands.

Despite the fact that these young female outcasts are on the fringes of school social groups, they still yearn for male companionship. Teenage macho culture may scare them, so they look for a softer form of friendship, one that is initially non-threatening. Homosexuals of all ages and young women share many similar obsessions– clothes, gossip and melodramatic TV shows– and this is what draws them together. As they become young adults, alcohol consumption is often added to the list. They also begin to lust for men who are, by definition, beyond their reach. This is why we have a culture of young people who idolize the “zombies” and “vampires” played by handsome actors. Zombies and vampires may be asexualized fantasy characters, but much of their practices on TV and in the movies are nothing more than simulated fornication. Naturally, this form of entertainment appeals to those unsuccessful at mastering their own bodies.

The more time a girl spends with her homosexual friends, the more she will fall under the influence of their habits and mannerisms. She might pick up homosexual fashions and dress mannishly. Instead of cultivating a delicate, feminine look, many dress in black clothes and heavy shoes. Some keep their cheeks pale and wear not enough lipstick. Most mimic homosexual facial expressions, tending to frown and wince a great deal to evince a disdainful attitude towards the world. When this type of girl hears an off-color joke or some piece of gossip, she will shriek at absurdly high levels, levels that would be unacceptable in sober, polite society. She may also take up cigarette smoking to replace the heterosexual intercourse that her body so desperately craves, somehow equating a damp little instrument of cancer lodged between her lips with the act of copulation.

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