Hairy Legs and Hobbit Feet

I just got home from dinner at a nice restaurant and it happened again;  I was forced to look at hairy legs and hobbit feet while I ate.

This also frequently happens at the theatre and I don’t mean seeing “Lord of the Rings” or “Hobbit” movies, I mean live performance theatre….

I’m talking about middle-aged men who have forgotten how to dress to go out in public.  They seem to think they can wear flip-flops or sandals and shorts any and every where.  Like it’s a uniform or something…

I can excuse the younger generation for not knowing or being taught any better.  I’ll blame their parents for their failure to understand that one dresses differently for dinner at a nice restaurant or when going to the theatre than one does to mow the grass or to wash the car.

However,  if you are over 40, and certainly if you are over 50,  you were taught better.  You know better and you are too lazy and socially inept to fix the situation…

It seems your manners and sense of dressing appropriately are lost in the 21st century….and I hate to break it to you, but you really don’t look very good wearing what you are wearing.

Also remember, what may be a cute, casual, even grunge look that works for a young guy, only makes you look poor, socially illiterate and potentially homeless.  If your wife, partner or girlfriend is well-dressed and nicely pulled together, it’s even worse.  Then it looks like they are taking an inmate from the home out for a night on the town.

Since no one else seems to be willing to point this out, I will.

Here are a few very simple rules:

  1. If the meal costs more than $15 and the restaurant does not have a drive thru window or if the restaurant has cloth napkins and/or tablecloths, you must wear long pants and real shoes.
  2. If real actors are on stage, especially theatre in the round, you must wear long pants and real shoes.  And not kick off your shoes during the show…
  3. If you are going to church, especially for a wedding or a funeral, you must at least wear long pants and real shoes.
  4. If you are wearing a shirt that buttons up the front and has a rounded shirt tail, tuck the damn shirt into your pants.  It was not designed to be worn outside your pants and it looks tacky and sloppy for you to do so.
  5. Backward baseball caps.  Does anyone still wear backwards baseball caps?  As one person commented when the Paul Ryan gym pictures came out:  “The only reason to wear a baseball cap backwards is if you are planning to give someone a blow job.”  Enough said.
  6. And, in closing, if you wear any kind of hat or cap, take the damn thing off when you go inside a building.

These are just the basics.  I’ll let the rest slide for now…I’ve vented.

There is a lot more to be said,  but if the male population would just follow these few simple rules, the world would start to be a much better and more attractive place. Or at least it would be a start in that direction….

And I could stop contemplating buying a taser….


Filed under Scott's Commentary

5 responses to “Hairy Legs and Hobbit Feet

  1. Van

    You are going to hate me for this comment…”you sound like Herman!”


  2. Cat

    Ugh….hats. My Dad played baseball and later softball. He coached youth baseball for years. One of my brothers also played. Wear The Hat appropriately. Don’t you dare wear one at the table ANYWHERE. My oldest son says “but….but….blah blah blah” I know I am a huge burden to my children but the hat rule and the open the door and the offer to carry a lady’s purchases or heavy objects is a RULE until they can pay their own bills.


  3. Cathy

    thanks for the laugh out loud — this is SOOOOO true!


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