Tag Archives: manners

Hairy Legs and Hobbit Feet

I just got home from dinner at a nice restaurant and it happened again;  I was forced to look at hairy legs and hobbit feet while I ate.

This also frequently happens at the theatre and I don’t mean seeing “Lord of the Rings” or “Hobbit” movies, I mean live performance theatre….

I’m talking about middle-aged men who have forgotten how to dress to go out in public.  They seem to think they can wear flip-flops or sandals and shorts any and every where.  Like it’s a uniform or something…

I can excuse the younger generation for not knowing or being taught any better.  I’ll blame their parents for their failure to understand that one dresses differently for dinner at a nice restaurant or when going to the theatre than one does to mow the grass or to wash the car.

However,  if you are over 40, and certainly if you are over 50,  you were taught better.  You know better and you are too lazy and socially inept to fix the situation…

It seems your manners and sense of dressing appropriately are lost in the 21st century….and I hate to break it to you, but you really don’t look very good wearing what you are wearing.

Also remember, what may be a cute, casual, even grunge look that works for a young guy, only makes you look poor, socially illiterate and potentially homeless.  If your wife, partner or girlfriend is well-dressed and nicely pulled together, it’s even worse.  Then it looks like they are taking an inmate from the home out for a night on the town.

Since no one else seems to be willing to point this out, I will.

Here are a few very simple rules:

  1. If the meal costs more than $15 and the restaurant does not have a drive thru window or if the restaurant has cloth napkins and/or tablecloths, you must wear long pants and real shoes.
  2. If real actors are on stage, especially theatre in the round, you must wear long pants and real shoes.  And not kick off your shoes during the show…
  3. If you are going to church, especially for a wedding or a funeral, you must at least wear long pants and real shoes.
  4. If you are wearing a shirt that buttons up the front and has a rounded shirt tail, tuck the damn shirt into your pants.  It was not designed to be worn outside your pants and it looks tacky and sloppy for you to do so.
  5. Backward baseball caps.  Does anyone still wear backwards baseball caps?  As one person commented when the Paul Ryan gym pictures came out:  “The only reason to wear a baseball cap backwards is if you are planning to give someone a blow job.”  Enough said.
  6. And, in closing, if you wear any kind of hat or cap, take the damn thing off when you go inside a building.

These are just the basics.  I’ll let the rest slide for now…I’ve vented.

There is a lot more to be said,  but if the male population would just follow these few simple rules, the world would start to be a much better and more attractive place. Or at least it would be a start in that direction….

And I could stop contemplating buying a taser….


Filed under Scott's Commentary

Chapter 65: The Right Stuff | My Southern Gothic Life

There is a new post up on my other blog, MySouthernGothicLife.com….

Here is an excerpt and a link to the full post:

I firmly believe in the Right Stuff.

By that, I mean the real thing- the right things-no imitations, no cutting corners and playing by the entertainment rules.   And, goddammit, there are rules!

I can’t help it.  I’m from Virginia and I was raised that way.  And I’m Gay so that means I have to take it even further…

I want every party to be like the one Audrey Hepburn attended at the Larrabee’s in “Sabrina”.  I will always want to make my entrance with an orchestra playing “Isn’t It Romantic” in the background.  I know that’s not a realistic expectation, but, who cares?

via Chapter 65: The Right Stuff | My Southern Gothic Life.

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Filed under Scott's Commentary

Tom Ford | On Being a Gentleman

I love Tom Ford…

Mainly because we think so much alike about style and manners…

I just wish I could afford his Italian Cypress cologne…

Tom Ford – fashion powerhouse, film mogul and old school romantic – is the cover star of the spring/summer 2011 issue of Another Man. Alongside web exclusive images from Jeff Burton’s shoot, AnOther presents Tom Ford’s five easy lessons in how to be a modern gentleman, taken from Jefferson Hack’s intimate conversation which appears in full in the issue.

1. You should put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.

2. A gentleman today has to work. People who do not work are so boring and are usually bored. You have to be passionate, you have to be engaged and you have to be contributing to the world.

3. Manners are very important and actually knowing when things are appropriate. I always open doors for women, I carry their coat, I make sure that they’re walking on the inside of the street. Stand up when people arrive at and leave the dinner table.

4. Don’t be pretentious or racist or sexist or judge people by their background.

5. A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach.

via Tom Ford | AnOther.

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Filed under Entertainment, Movies, Style

How “Great Rooms” Have Undermined Western Civilization

Great Rooms have undermined the very fabric of civilization.  When I made my list of people going to hell, I can’t believe I forgot to include the person who invented “Great Rooms”.

For generations, we understood that one behaves in certain ways in certain places and scenarios.  In other words, there are walls that define social interaction.  I believe that good walls, like good fences, make good neighbors.  One behaves a certain way in a formal dining room or in a living/drawing room.  Or in a restaurant or other communal public space.  This behavior differs from how one may behave in a “den”.   Most of my generation grew up with living rooms that were only used to receive guests.  We learned our manners in the dining room.  We understood place-specific behavior.

Great Rooms destroyed this differentiation.  They have led to the collapse of manners, decorum, style and etiquette in American Society.  Now people just wallow around in front of their televisions dressed in sweat pants in their Great Rooms all the time.  As a result of this, they think one behaves this way all the time in every place.  Since “Great Rooms” removed the walls, people now seem to think that how one behaves in one’s “den” is the default behavior.   Today people think how one behaves in one’s “Great Room”  is now how one behaves in public.

This should not be the case.  Call me uptight or old-fashioned, I don’t care…

People used to understand that one behaves one way in private and another way in public.  This created a much more pleasant and civilized social interaction.  I’m sure this idea seems somewhat quaint to the younger generation, most of whom I frequently, affectionately call SJI’s (Slack Jawed Idiots) due to their lack of social skills.  It’s not really their fault.  The fault belongs to their parents who worshiped at the alter of informality so they could be their children’s “friend” instead of doing the hard work of preparing them for adulthood and public life.

See, people forget that how one dresses and behaves impacts the focus of their attention and how they relate to a situation– or do their job.

I’m sorry, but it’s understandable if people dressed in shorts, T-Shirts and flip-flops have difficulty behaving professionally or understanding the concept of “professionalism”.  They think, “If I can talk, dress and act this way in the den, then what’s the big deal?”  That’s become their only point of reference.

If people spent more time studying etiquette than watching “Jerry Springer” on their “Great Room” sofas, we would live in a better world.

The downsides of “Great Rooms” are vast.  Now people think they can put their hooves on the back of chairs in movie theatres, by my head,  instead of on the floor where they belong.  People share the most personal secrets while speaking on their cell phones in public.  People don’t dress differently for work, a night on the town, church or the theatre than they do for washing the car.  This is all the result of “Great Rooms”.  They have undermined society as I knew it and I firmly believe it should be.

People used to understand  the importance of these “walls”, be they real or societal.  Walls led to a sense of privacy and decorum.  People understood that some things could be said in public and others only in private.  This  produced an understanding that one did not need to share the fact that they were trying to hire a Private Detective to watch their paramour while they were out of town with everyone in the break room.  Or talk to their son’s bail bondsmen at full volume in the grocery store.  Or reveal their sexual escapades of the previous evening to everyone in Target.  The combination of cell phones and Great Room behavior has really been deadly.

My generation may have been the last one taught to always present our best selves to the public.  Only our lovers, family and close friends got to know who we really were.  This not only made for a more pleasant social interaction, but allowed us to purvey a sense of mystery in our public lives that was intriguing.

Without walls and a sense of public vs private, you can’t have secrets.  Let’s face it, secrets can be fun.  If you spill it all on your cell phone in the Great Room of life, you lose the magic.

And that may be the root of my concern.  To paraphrase one of Tennessee William’s great characters, I never wanted to present realism or ask for realism in public.  I wanted magic.  Or intrigue.  Or mystery.  I wanted to pick who I took the journey of getting to really know and appreciate the fact that them sharing their secrets and revealing their true selves was a gift given to me by choice.

With “Great Room” behavior ,the magic disappears and you are left with realism.  It isn’t always pretty.  Or appropriate.  And now, you don’t always recognize magic when you see it…


Filed under My Journey, Social Commentary