A Few Things I’ve Learned Along the Way…

I really am glad I’m not young anymore.  Well, I admit, it might be nice to be 35 again. But I would never want to lose the knowledge and confidence that only comes with getting older.  Perceptions change with time, education and experience. Here are a few bits of personal knowledge I’ve picked up along the way:

  1. Most “experts” aren’t.  Especially, if they are a TV political pundit or a Financial Advisor.
  2. Money is a concept, not a reality.
  3. There is value in all work:   There is a great need for incredibly talented plumbers, handymen and carpenters, among other professions, who have skills I lack.
  4. The Religious Right isn’t really either.  Religion and matters of faith and spirituality are a very personal journey and no one should try to impose their values on anyone else.
  5. Diversity is really good for everyone.  People need to accept the fact that we are a multi-cultural, multi-racial, multi-religious society and revel in the richness.
  6. There is no education like travel.
  7. Pets are an essential part of the family–and you can love them more than some of your human family.  That’s just fine…
  8. Perception isn’t reality.
  9. Some friends are of a time and a place, but others are forever.  The forever friends are priceless.
  10. An open mind and an open heart are the most important traits one can aspire to have.
  11. I have to go to the gym whether I want to or not.
  12. Don’t be afraid to go your own way and trust your own instincts.
  13. Algebra really was a waste of time and is useless in real life.
  14. It’s a good thing to question everything and form your own, educated opinions.
  15. There is such a thing as a fact even if others refuse to recognize it as such.
  16. For those of us who go to College, a Liberal Arts Education is invaluable.  And it makes you really good a cocktail party chat.
  17. Hangovers take much longer to recover from as you get older…Moderation is a very good thing.
  18. After 40, good clothes and good grooming really are important.  Messy, casual looks that work for younger people just make mature people look poor and homeless.
  19. It’s better to try to understand people who are different from you than to judge and dismiss them.  You are the loser if you don’t try to understand them.
  20. Home really is where the heart is…

More to come…

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Dixie Carter: Goodnight to Moonlight and Magnolias

Dixie Carter, best known for her role as Julia Sugarbaker on “Designing Women”, died yesterday.  Her passing made me sad for many reasons.

I have long struggled with my Southern Heritage–how to keep the good and throw out the bad.  Her portrayal of Julia really helped me with that journey.

All the ugliness coming out of Virginia this week, where the Governor failed to recognize the importance of Slavery as part of “Confederate History Month”, made me address that struggle again.  Dixie Carter and “Designing Women” helped put this in perspective and I thought of them more than once.

We all need to let go of the myth of the Old South.  God knows I have and so had Julia Sugarbaker.  Dixie Carter’s Julia knew we needed to keep the good, but recognize and address the bad.

All Southerners need to face the fact that Slavery was the cause of the Civil War.  I can’t believe I still have to say this 150 years after that horrible war.  States’ Rights and the other catch phrases were merely propaganda terms used to entice the poor Southerners to fight to protect the socio-economic needs of the few rich Southerners.  A myth of the Old South grew from this that some of us are still trying to dispel 150 years later.  The war wasn’t about States’ Rights.  It was about one group of people owning another group of people and making their life hell for their own benefit.  Let’s finally put that to rest.

However, I never wanted to throw out the baby with the bath water.  There are certain Southern characteristics we need to keep.  Our justifiable reputation for hospitality and casual elegance.  Our concern for our family, friends and neighbors.  Our appreciation of honesty and a sense of personal honor.  We need to keep these parts of our heritage–whether we are black or white.  Or Hispanic.  Or Asian.  There are many kinds of Southerners now.

We do need to lose our traditions that held down and held back women.  Julia Sugarbaker and Dixie Carter knew this.  There was no Southern Belle Simple for these women.  No pretending to be dumber than they were.  They were educated, forthright and honest.  They were straight shooters, not manipulative Southern Belles.  They were Southern Women– not girls–as my friend Robin made me aware last week.  Dixie Carter put Scarlette O’Hara, or more precisely her sister Suellen,  in her place– as part of historical fiction, not modern fact.

Dixie Carter’s Julia Sugarbaker gave a new face to the Southern woman.  And it was one face, not two.

Steve and I had the privilege to meet Ms. Carter briefly once.  In person, she was exactly what you would expect.  She was beautiful, smart, gracious and classy.  She was a modern Southern Lady.

I’ve been privileged to know a few other women like her of her generation.  My friend Shakey’s mom, Betty, welcomed a house full of W&L boys- and we were boys then, not men- into her home for every dance weekend at Sweet Briar.  I can’t imagine how different my college life might have been had I not known this Great Lady.  She made us welcome, fed us-both food and bourbon- and entertained us in the most gracious manner imaginable.  I’ll never forget visiting her in college right after she had cancer surgery.  She received us with a grace and sense of humor that only a Southern Lady could have after such an ordeal.  My friend Deane’s mother, Nancy, always welcomed us into her home in Danville and we spent many entertaining evenings in her company. These women always seemed, at least, to be thrilled to see us and made us comfortable, amused and enchanted by their company.

Dixie Carter’s Julia Sugarbaker made these women visable to the rest of the country.  She demystified the South and showed us how Southern Women really were and should be seen.  She knew we needed to keep the Magnolias, but lose a little of the Moonlight.  She showed how great these women could be in the light of day- when the Klan didn’t march, lynchings didn’t happen and lesser women weren’t focused on manipulating their men.

Dixie Carter will be missed.  The world is a sadder, less elegant place without her.  Just as it would be without the women she personified and publicized.

Thankfully, I see the Southern Women-by birth and by choice- of my generation carrying on her example.

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The Following People Are Going to Hell

Now I don’t even believe in Hell, but I do find the idea comforting at times.

I like to think there is some sort of devine retribution for those who commit truly heinous acts against their fellowman- or their tastes and sensibilites.

I used to make mental lists of people I wanted to be in First Class on the first intergalactic, passenger carrying, nuclear missle, but I couldn’t think of anyone I hated enough to seat them next to Kathy Lee Gifford.  Instead, I’ve gone back to the simple idea that these people will spend eternity burning in hell.  Please note:  All these people are supposedly still living, therefore there  is time for them to atone for their sins.

  1. The person who invented Crocs.
  2. Adults who wear Crocs who aren’t gardening or have a medical excuse
  3. The person who invented paper napkins that dispense like toilet paper on a roll.
  4. Every0ne at Fox News
  5. George W Bush
  6. The entire Senior Management Team at USAirways
  7. Dick Cheney
  8. The people who started the trend of wearing flip flops outside one’s own home or at the beach.
  9. People who wear shorts and/or halter tops- male or female- on airplanes and complain about being cold.
  10. Sarah Palin
  11. John Edwards
  12. The person who invented double knit polyester pants.
  13. Pat Robertson-who will meet his friend Jerry Falwell there
  14. Bob McDonnell, Governor of Virginia
  15. Ken Cuccinelli, Attorney General of Virginia
  16. The people who build off site Rental Car Centers that require you to drag your luggage onto a bus to get there
  17. People who text while driving
  18. People who talk on their cell phones while driving instead of paying attention to the road and those around them.  In other words, most of them…
  19. Everyone who is cruel to animals
  20. Phyllis Schlafly and all the men at “Concerned Women for America”
  21. Ann Coulter
  22. Those who are so sure they are going to heaven and everyone else is not
  23. Bobby Brown-for ruining Whitney Houston’s life and career
  24. Whitney Houston for marrying Bobby Brown and doing that reality show
  25. Everyone involved with any reality TV series–especially Jon and Kate Goslin, whoever they may be
  26. Lindsay Lohan
  27. Robbie Williams- for being so talented but so unfocused, inconsistent and insecure
  28. All people who wear the same clothes to work they would wear to wash the car or mow the grass
  29. Helicopter Parents
  30. The TV Executive at CBS who cancelled “Moonlight”

This is a living list….more to come.

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Westboro Baptist protests come to an end in Blacksburg – Roanoke.com

After all the negative publicity this week about the Governor’s Confederate History Month Proclamation ignoring slavery, it’s nice to see folks in my home state doing something to make it look good and positive again.  Standing upt to this hateful group, who pickets soldier’s funerals among other things, makes me proud.  Especially the classy way the Blacksburg folks did it.

They make me proud to be a native Virginian again.

Here is an excerpt from the Roanoke Times article at Roanoke.com and a link to the full story.

BLACKSBURG — Six protesters from Westboro Baptist Church — three adults and three children — spent about 30 minutes at their final stop outside Blacksburg Middle School and then left town.

At their first two protests in downtown Blacksburg — outside the Jewish Community Center and the National Bank — the Westboro Baptist group was flanked by about two dozen police officers and a crowd of nearly 350 counter-protesters. Among them were about 100 Virginia Tech students, who marched from their gathering on campus to join in.

Another 250 counter-protesters filled the sidewalks on Prices Fork Road outside the middle school. Their presence was supported by motorists navigating Prices Fork Road who honked their horns and made rude gestures toward the Westboro Baptist group.

The church is an anti-Semitic group founded by the Rev. Fred Phelps held three 30-minute demonstrations, carrying signs that read, “No peace for the wicked,” among other things.

Shirley Phelps-Roper said was happy to see all the counter-protesters in Blacksburg. “It makes a wonderful backdrop to our message,” she said.

The message? That that God has doomed America for its growing tolerance of gays, lesbians and other sexual minorities. “Their destruction is emminent,” Phelps-Roper said.

“Virginia Tech is just such a sweet spot in our hillbilly culture, and I will just not put up with this,” said Karen Carr, who drove from Galax to Blacksburg this morning. “I’m so proud of the Hokies for putting on a class act.”

More than 100 Virginia Tech students grouped together at Tech’s Graduate Life Center and divided into lines to walk the handful of blocks to downtown, where the Westboro protesters were gathered. The line grew as the students began their walk from campus and some estimates were that the crowd grew into hundreds.

The counter-protesters yelled “Hokies” and held signs that spoke of love and tolerance — such as “Love thy neighbor,” “Virginia Tech is about respect” and “God loves everyone” — to those with a more humorous message, such as “Free hugs.”
Student Johnathan Cace, who led one of the groups walking downtown, said the effort was all student-led and not affiliated with any one group on campus.

The effort was meant to show “Hokie pride” and spread a positive message to counteract the one coming from the Westboro group, which students said was one of hate.

Link:  Westboro Baptist protests come to an end in Blacksburg – Roanoke.com.

Thanks to my friend Kirk for making me aware of this!

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Va Gov Bob McDonnell Apologizes For Slavery Omission In ‘Confederate History Month’ Proclamation

It seems Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell has finally realized slavery was a “significant” issue during the Civil War.

The good news is that, after this, if he runs for President, he can only carry South Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi and Alabama.

Of course this is not really his fault.  He was educated at Pat Robertson University, aka Regent University, so it’s not surprise his education is lacking….

Here’s a link to the full story:

Bob McDonnell Apologizes For Slavery Omission In ‘Confederate History Month’ Proclamation.

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Karen Finney: Virginia Shame

Another great comment about the situation in Virginia Governor McDonnell’s proclamation of April as Confederate History Month.  This one is from the African American- mixed race Great, Great, Great, Great,  Niece of Robert E Lee.  That’s another issue that’s not discussed very often in the white South…

As I said, I’ll have my comments in a couple of days when I have more time….

The shame is in the proclamation’s failure to acknowledge the full range of the truth about the Civil War and Virginia’s role in it. What about the sacrifices of whites who were part of the underground railroad and helped slaves escape to the North, or those who did not support the Confederacy, or the African slaves who actually fought on the side of the Confederacy? If we are going to celebrate and honor sacrifice, let us also celebrate the progress we have made since the Civil War, which should be a source of pride for every American, just as we must acknowledge the work that remains to be done.

For me this is very personal. My father, who is African American, is from Virginia. The Finney name comes from the man who once owned my family as slaves. My mother, Mildred Lee, is the great, great, great niece of Robert E. Lee, or “the General,” as he is referred to by my family. I am therefore the great, great, great, great niece of General Lee. That is my American story, a mixed race heritage that I am proud of, just as Virginia, the South and our country has a mixed history.

Link to full article:  Karen Finney: Virginia Shame.

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VA Gov Bob McDonnell Brings Back the Past

Great column on DailyKos about the Virginia Governor’s decision to declare  April “Confederate History Month”.  My birth State’s new government continues to embarass itself at an alarming rate.  I hear he made an even bigger mess of this today before backtracking and trying to save himself.  Too late!

I’ll have more to say on my thoughts on all this in a couple of days when I have more time….

Here is an excerpt and a link to the full article:

Whereas Bob McDonnell Brings Back The Past

Tue Apr 06, 2010 at 02:20:04 PM PDT

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell has decided to bring back Confederate History Month:

Here are a few excerpts from the proclamation:

WHEREAS,  April is the month in which the people of Virginia joined the Confederate States of America in a four year war between the states for independence that concluded at Appomattox Courthouse;

Another way to put it could be, “WHEREAS, in a four year war between the states to defend slavery that concluded with that general who will not be named whuppin’ our sorry asses and us being bitter over it for the next hundred-plus years.

WHEREAS,  it is important for all Virginians to reflect upon our Commonwealth’s  shared history, to understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War, and to recognize how our history has led to our present;

It seems that the part about trying to understand the sacrifices of centuries of enslaved people on their soil was omitted from the final draft.

WHEREAS, this defining chapter in Virginia’s history should not be forgotten, but instead should be studied, understood and remembered by all Virginians, both in the context of the time in which it took place, but also in the context of the time in which we live …

So, Bob McDonnell thinks that to understand American politics today, we need to understand why Virginia joined the Confederacy? Is this a nod to the “tenther movement”? Because it wouldn’t be the only fringe element that McDonnell decided to pander to with this proclamation:

This year’s proclamation was requested by the Sons of Confederate Veterans … “We’ve known for quite some time we had a good opportunity should he ascend the governorship,” Brandon Dorsey said. “We basically decided to bide our time and wait until we had more favorable politicians in Richmond.”

And who are the Sons of Confederate Veterans? An all-male group that believes:

The citizen-soldiers who fought for the Confederacy personified the best qualities of America. The preservation of liberty and freedom was the motivating factor in the South’s decision to fight the Second American Revolution.

But nothing about slavery. McDonnell, like every protector of southern heritage before him, pretends that it was all about “freedom” and “protecting our way of life” … which makes sense given that the North was demanding everyone in Virginia eat New England clam chowder and see a Broadway show at least twice a year.

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/4/6/854733/-Whereas-Bob-McDonnell-Brings-Back-The-Past

Daily Kos: State of the Nation.

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Christian Terrorism vs Islamic Terrorism

A great column this morning from Leonard Pitts entitled “An Evil with Many Masters” that compares Christian and Islamic Terrorism.  This is a point I’ve written about before:  That domestic terrorism is every bit as dangerous as Islamic terrorism.  The real threat is fundamentalism of any kind.  Here is an excerpt:

And I suppose the first words should be about those words: “Christian terrorism.” The term will seem jarring to those who’ve grown comfortable regarding terrorism as something exclusive to Islam.

That this is a self-deluding fallacy should have long since been apparent to anyone who’s been paying attention. From Eric Rudolph’s bombing of the Atlanta Olympics, a gay nightclub and two abortion clinics to the so-called Phineas Priests who bombed banks, a newspaper and a Planned Parenthood office in Spokane, from Matt Hale soliciting the murder of a federal judge in Chicago to Scott Roeder’s assassination of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller, from brothers Matthew and Tyler Williams murdering a gay couple near Redding, Calif., to Timothy McVeigh destroying a federal building and 168 lives in Oklahoma City, we have seen no shortage of “Christians” who believe Jesus requires — or at least allows — them to commit murder.

If federal officials are correct, we now have one more name to add to the dishonor roll. That name would be Hutaree, a self-styled Christian militia in Michigan, nine members of which have been arrested and accused of plotting to kill police officers in hopes of sparking an anti-government uprising.

Many of us would doubtless resist referring to plots like this as Christian terrorism, feeling it unfair to tar the great body of Christendom with the actions of its fringe radicals. And here, we will pause for Muslim readers to loudly clear their throats.

And here is the link to the entire column:
Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/04/07/1566736/an-evil-with-many-masters.html#ixzz0kPhKDTxi

An evil with many masters – Leonard Pitts Jr. – MiamiHerald.com.

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What The Top U.S. Companies Paid- And Didn’t Pay In Taxes

As the tax filing deadline of April 15th approaches, I found these articles very interesting….

ThinkProgress led me to it:

Last week, Forbes magazine published what the top U.S. corporations paid in taxes last year. “Most egregious,” Forbes notes, is General Electric, which “generated $10.3 billion in pretax income, but ended up owing nothing to Uncle Sam. In fact, it recorded a tax benefit of $1.1 billion.” Big Oil giant Exxon Mobil, which last year reported a record $45.2 billion profit, paid the most taxes of any corporation, but none of it went to the IRS:

Exxon tries to limit the tax pain with the help of 20 wholly owned subsidiaries domiciled in the Bahamas, Bermuda and the Cayman Islands that (legally) shelter the cash flow from operations in the likes of Angola, Azerbaijan and Abu Dhabi. No wonder that of $15 billion in income taxes last year, Exxon paid none of it to Uncle Sam, and has tens of billions in earnings permanently reinvested overseas.

Mother Jones’ Adam Weinstein notes that, despite benefiting from corporate welfare in the U.S., Exxon complains about paying high taxes, claiming that it threatens energy innovation research. Pat Garofalo at the Wonk Room notes that big corporations’ tax shelter practices similar to Exxon’s shift a $100 billion annual tax burden onto U.S. taxpayers. In fact, in 2008, the Government Accountability Office found that “two out of every three United States corporations paid no federal income taxes from 1998 through 2005.”

UPDATEForbes has updated its article to include a statement from Exxon: “Though Exxon’s financial statement’s don’t show any net income tax liability owed to Uncle Sam, a company spokesman insists that once its final tax bill is figured, Exxon will owe a ‘substantial 2009 tax liability.’ How substantial? ‘That’s not something we’re required to disclose, nor do we.'”

Here is the link to the full story:

http://thinkprogress.org/2010/04/06/exxon-tax/

Here is the link to the original full story at Forbes:

via What The Top U.S. Companies Pay In Taxes – Forbes.com.

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Happy Birthday, Bette Davis

This woman is the reason I did not get more exercise as a child.  If there was a Bette Davis movie on “Dialing for Dollars” movies at 9:00 am or 4:00 pm, I was sitting in front of the TV.  Even as a kid, she fascinated me.  She was unique. I had never seen anyone like her-strong, forthright, honest and tough.  When I was growing up, these were qualities most women in the South were taught to camouflage- at least while they were young.

She’s also probably the main reason I started smoking all those years ago.  No one smoked like Bette and I’ve struggled, off and on, to quit for 30 years thanks to her.  It’s all the fault of that famous end scene in “Now, Voyager” with Paul Henried.

As I grew older, I was even more intrigued as I read her biographies and learned of her battles with the Studio System for better material and career control.  She was definitely one of a kind.

Here  is a great tribute video from Meryl Streep and a few scenes as an additional tribute to her on her Birthday, April 5th.

The famous end scene from “Now, Voyager”:

And from my favorite, “All About Eve”:

And, last but not least, “The Little Foxes”.  Finally, a Southern woman I recognize:

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