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This is a great series of ads from Kay Hagan….

I’m thinking tonight of a dying breed. The true “Southern Lady”. Even the definition of a Southern Lady is a challenge. Some see her as a weak, charming delicate flower. Most of us know “Steel Magnolias” is an understatement.

Let me begin by saying, no reference is intended to reflect any real person living or dead. I’m talking about my fictional friend “Sally Anne” who is an amalgamation of many ladies I have been privileged to know…

Sally Anne is a tough broad. Or she would be if I was writing a film noir script about a Yankee girl. “Tough Broad” is frequently viewed as a term contradictory to “Southern Lady”. That is a mistake.

“Southern Ladies” are “Tough Broads” with a better publicist.

They have it all…and get away with murder. Frequently in fact as well as in fiction.

They have that proverbial iron fist hidden in the velvet glove. They have the scent of “moonlight and magnolias” that can hide a desperate heart and desperate actions. They know their power is really in what they seem to be instead in what the are- up to a point- and have the balls to cross the line when necessary.

And some have the guts to just be who they are….

Remember, Scarlett O’Hara married a man she didn’t love, killed a Yankee soldier, stole her sister’s fiancé, all but slept with her best friend’s husband and still saved both Tara and her reputation. And is still the “Gold Standard” for Southern Ladies

A true Southern Lady has more balls than any Southern Man.

My fictional Sally Anne would be the person I called when my Father was dying one of many deaths in a hospital out of town. She would insist on going with me and sleeping on the floor while we waited…

She would have been the person I called when I was a twentysomethting emotional mess after he died and wrecked my car, late at at night, and said “come over here” we will fix it in the morning. And had the contacts and experience to do so…

She would never have said a word about any of this…

She would have loved her Father and her family no matter how many “Jerry Springer” moments there might have been. Because she loved them…

My Sally Anne would have been real. Very real. She might have said “fuck” as often as others said “hello” and allegedly might have gone water skiing naked at Smith Mountain Lake on the Fourth of July, but she was a true “Southern Lady.”

Why?

Because, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hide how much she cared about other people.

And because no matter how many times she might behave “inappropriately”, she had the heart and soul of a champion.

She cared about other people.

Deeply.

She always tried to be there for them and take care of them…

No matter how hard she tried to hide it.

That’s what would make Sally Anne the last of the “Great Southern Ladies”…..

And why I’m glad she is a character on this blog….

I’ll be relaunching this blog soon, but in the meantime, here is a new post on my other blog:

Chapter 82: A Death in the Family | My Southern Gothic Life.

New post up on my other blog.

Here is an excerpt and a link to the full post:

My Father has been a peripheral character in this blog.  It is very difficult for me to write about him.  Mainly, because of our complicated relationship that was ultimately unresolved due to his early death.  He died in 1983 when I was 24 years old and he was 54.  We had a complex relationship that, 30 years later, I am still trying to understand.

via My Southern Gothic Life | When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter. (Mark Twain).

I’m cross posting this from my other blog, http://www.mysoutherngothiclife.com, as I feel a followup coming and think the dialogue may be more suited to this blog….

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There has been an off and on effort in the Gay Community for years to reclaim certain derogatory terminology and make it acceptable to the Gay Community.

The first and foremost example of this is the word “Faggot”.  Larry Kramer started the reclamation of this term with his novel back in the 1970’s.  To sum it up, as Joe Jackson sang in his song “Real Men”, “don’t call me a faggot unless you are a friend.”

I still don’t like that word.  But then, I have never been but so Politically Correct.  Accepting standard orthodoxy has never been my strong point.

Instead, I’m planning to spend 2014 reclaiming the word “Queen”, and all its derivations for the Gay Community.

First of all, I want to reclaim the term VEQ, which stands for “Very Efficient Queen.”  I think this terminology adds much more value to the social dialogue and is a much more important point of departure for the social discourse.

There has been so much focus on showing how “normal” Gay People are over the last few years- since “Will and Grace” illustrated how Gay Men can be successful house pets- that I think it’s time to re-evaluate us all and celebrate our uniqueness.

I don’t want to be some “normal”, house pet Gay.  I worked too hard to be classified as that…

I’m very proud to be a VEQ.

VEQ’s were the Gay men who set the social standards for generations.  We were the products of a culture of repression.  And we still made the world a better place…

VEQ’s were, generally speaking, Gay Men who always felt they had to be better at whatever they did than anyone else.  We always worked twice as hard to be efficient and indispensable out of fear.  We knew we had to be much better at everything we did than any straight person because we feared being fired or replaced if/when people found out we were Gay.

We worked extraordinarily hard to climb and make our lives better than they might or should have been….

If you are over 40, think back to your youth and young adulthood.  Think of those hardworking, quiet young men who ran all the committees, worked outrageous hours and seemed to have no personal life.  Think of the perfectly groomed escorts who gave wonderful parties and made no sexual demands.

Odds are, they were all VEQ’s.

Our efficiency and style, driven by fear, made the world a better place.

We just need to replace fear as our motivation with the knowledge that we just make the world a better, more functional, prettier and more pleasant place to live.  And that should be enough motivation for us all…

Let me try to clarify this by naming a few historical VEQ’s.   Bayard Rustin, who planned the March on Washington that culminated in Dr King’s “I Had A Dream” speech, was a VEQ. Alan Turing, the great “code breaker” from World War II  was a VEQ.  T. E Lawrence (aka “Lawrence of Arabia”) was a VEQ.

Cole Porter and Cecil Beaton, who provided the soundtrack, stage settings and photographs of an era were also VEQ’s.  Noel Coward and E.M. Forster were VEQ’s.  Michael Bennett, who created “A Chorus Line” and directed so many  Broadway shows of the 1980’s was a VEQ.  These guys understood style, showmanship, substance and depth and brought them all together in their work.

Not to trivialize the AIDS epidemic, but AIDS wiped out a generation of VEQ’s.  But still, the surviving VEQ’s formed ACT UP and fought back to save untold millions from AIDS.

Had the tragedy of AIDS not happened, we would not be facing the societal repercussions we face today.

VEQ’s would not have tolerated the growth of “Great Rooms”, the breakdown of style and manners and the general tackiness that is now pervasive in American life.

We would live in a much more decorous and orderly world if more VEQ’s had survived the AIDS epidemic.   We would all be prettier, thinner, more well-mannered and happier….

There is a flip side to this….

The VEQ’s Evil Step Brother, also a product of repression, is the EBQ.

The Evil Bitch Queen.

I’m happy she has almost disappeared.  The EBQ felt that their homosexuality limited them and that societal prejudice against Gays limited their options.  The VEQ would just have kept going and trying and been so good at what they did that their sexuality was irrelavant.  The EBQ gave up and blamed society for their short falls in life….

Much as I love his work, Gore Vidal was an EBQ.  No matter how wonderful his books were, he felt he was thwarted in his desire to run for political office due to being Gay.  He was a bitter queen who denied his sexuality.  Matt Drudge is an EBQ. Ken Mehlman is an EBQ trying to become a VEQ again.  The Republican Party is just full of EBQ’s…..

I know.  I was briefly an EBQ in the GOP before I became a VEQ again and  made myself a happy life….

This is a dialogue we need to have.  We need to talk about these Queens.  Life is so much better today, but there is still repression for Gay People.  We just need to decide how to channel the results of this repression and oppression.

As long as there is repression and oppression, there will be VEQ’s and EBQ’s.

That’s why it’s time to revive the terminology VEQ and openly discuss how to handle EBQ’s.

All Queens are not created equal…..

But they still rule….