It’s almost time for the kids to head off to college and this always makes me think of when I left for my Freshman year at Washington and Lee University in September of 1977.
I start this post with a sense of trepidation as I fear it may turn into one of those “I walked 5 miles each way to school in the snow and you children have it so easy” posts….
Still, thinking back over this, I’m amazed at how much things have changed since 1977. So, at the risk of making myself seem ancient, I’m going to try to revisit the list of things that were essential to our college life at that time:
Sheets from the Dan River Cloth Store- I lived in Danville, Virginia and the local textile mill had an outlet store that every single person in town used to go to for sheets, comforters, bedspreads and fabric. That was one of the first stops to getting ready for college. Now gone. Both the Mill and the Outlet. Long gone….
Towels from the Downtown departments stores- I remember hitting a sale at Thalhimers on Main Street for my college towels with several of my friends. Thalhimers and Main Street Departments stores- long gone….
Clothes- Khaki pants, Lacoste alligator shirts, crew neck wool sweaters, button down oxford cloth shirts, bass wejeens loafers- well, the shirts are now Polo and the loafers Cole Haan, but this hasn’t changed that much!
A fan for the Dorm room- we did not have air conditioning in the Dorms then….
A small black and white TV with rabbit ears antennas- no Cable TV in the dorms.
A stereo with an 8 track player and a Peaches Records crate full of albums
Bar ware…
Hair dryers- hair was big for both boys and girls
Smith Carona Electric Typewriter-there were no computers or “word processors”….
Posters for the walls
A 1972 Chevy Vega for transportation to and from other colleges for Parties and dances.
That’s about it….
Oh, and Washington and Lee was then an all-boys school. It would not go co-ed until 1986 or so….
We shared a pay phone in the hall and all chipped in to share another direct dial phone in one guys room. Cell phones had not yet been invented. One of our major expenses each month was long distance phone calls to our friends at other schools and dates at the “Girls Schools” like Hollins, Sweet Briar, Mary Baldwin and Randolph Macon Woman’s College. Most of us made our families track us down at the pay phone in the hall and didn’t give our parents the shared phone number. We wrote letters and notes home via snail mail. Mainly to ask for money….
To get said mail, we had to open Post Office Boxes at the Post Office and go by there daily- or sometimes twice daily- to check our mail for checks. We also had to open checking accounts at the local bank as large state-wide- not national- banks were just starting up….
We shared a refrigerator in the hall. Thanks to the Honor Code, it was no big deal and nothing was ever stolen.
Note what we did not have:
No Cell Phones
No Computers
No E-Mail or texting
Facebook was an actual book published by each college with pictures of each Freshman. These were traded so you could shop by mail for your dates and have friends at other schools set you up…
No iPods or iPads
Microwave ovens were too new to think about having one in our rooms
No air conditioning-it was the Virginia mountains before Global Warming, so no one thought much about this….
No Personal refrigerators (but these were starting to catch on)
No Private Bathrooms- our whole hall shared a communal bathroom and shower on the hall.
No Helicopter Parents- the best part! We were free!
When we look at the rising cost of education, I can’t help wonder what the breakdown is and how much is driven by the increased amenities today’s students “need”…
We also did walk to class in the snow. We didn’t cancel classes back then as schools did not have the liability issues they face today…..
It was a different time and place….
And, sometimes, I kind of miss the simplicity and slower pace of those days….
Sometimes my own Gay Community can piss me off as much as the Religious Right or Conservative communities.
I have issues with intolerance in any community and I’ve seen quite a bit of it in the Gay Community both recently and over time.
The specific example that is annoying me right now is some of the comments I’m seeing about a talented young, Gay musician named Steve Grand who has published an excellent music video called “All-American Boy”
He has become a bit of an internet sensation with over 200,000 YouTube views and about 12,000 likes to his Facebook page in less than 48 hours. And the nasty comments have begun to annoy me.
First of all, I must say that most of the comments from both Gay and Straight people, men and women, have been very positive and supportive. Steve Grand has touched a lot of hearts with this video and I’m so glad for the support he is getting.
Steve is telling a very personal story. That is a right we all have and only a few have the talent to do it so well. That may be part of the problem- jealousy. He also happens to be a gorgeous young man and I’m sure that has something to do with some of this jealousy as well…
The main complaints can be summarized as a) it doesn’t have a happy ending, b) it makes gay people look like hard-drinking, smoking predators trying to steal straight men from their girlfriends and c) it looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch ad.
The shallow end of the Gay pool is in a frenzy of pique.
This may not just be a Gay thing. It may be based, in part, on our national obsession with ourselves and the incestuous points of view that grow in the little bubbles we all live in. We sometimes forget not everyone thinks like we do or lives like we do. Or has the same problems, experience and issues we do. Or has the same journey….
I hate to break it to this vocal little Gay minority, but all Gay People aren’t alike. Whether we will admit it or not, we all still struggle with the repercussions of the societal and internal homophobia that has impacted us from birth. We aren’t all well-adjusted, post-Stonewall Modern Gays living in harmony with our world. We aren’t all living in New York, San Francisco or other big, accepting cities. We don’t all have all the same experiences. And if any group should have learned not to judge, it is us….
And these people also seem to forget that this is one young man telling his own very personal story and taking a very big risk with his fledgling career. The entire Gay Community ought to be applauding him and wishing him well.
I am forever annoyed at the Gays who spend all their time worrying about the “image” of the Gay Community. They are the ones who clutch their pearls and tear their well-coifed hair over Drag Queens at Gay Pride Parades, transgendered people being included in Equality initiatives and Butch Lesbians. I hate to tell them, but we will not have really arrived, as a community, until we can embrace all the many kinds of Gay people and their right to live their lives and tell their stories.
I’m not perfect. I have my issues with the frequent popular media assumption that all Gay men are rich white boys, with perfect bodies and perfect clothes-when they are wearing them-who live to take drugs and have wild sex at Circuit Parties. Or decorate. Or want to get married and have children like middle-class straight people.
We are more diverse than that and don’t need to support these stereotypes by applying our own stereotypes or tearing down people trying to live their individual lives and make their individual dreams come true.
By the way, have you ever been to a Summer Solstice Celebration? Those straight people give Gay Pride Parades and Drag Queens a run for their money in the outlandish categories. But they are open and accepting. They are secure. They are enjoying a celebration.
We have to be secure enough to celebrate all the many types of Gay people. We need to accept there are Redneck rural gay men and women, Black Gays, Asian Gays, Latino Gays, Married Middle Class White Gays, Fat Gays, Drag Queens, Elderly and Middle-Aged Gays, Transgendered People, Handicapped Gays, Dykes on Bikes, Lipstick Lesbians and yes, gorgeous young Gay Men and jealous, petty, evil Gay Bitches who need to be called out.
And some of you probably are thinking, right now, that I am one of the latter….if so, too bad.
We also need to understand that homophobia does still exist in the post “Will & Grace”, post Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, defeated DOMA and post Prop 8 world. And most of us have been damaged by it by some degree or another. That’s the reason we should have more tolerance, more sympathy and be more willing to support our Gay Brothers and Sisters than other groups.
The Gay Community is a maturing community and an assimilating community, but we still have young gay people, like Steve Grand, growing up facing some of the same challenges we all faced.
Those of us who are older need to be the biggest cheerleaders for those who are coming along. They may not realize it, but they are standing on our shoulders and the only way they can learn from us is if we talk to them, support them and listen to their voices.
If we all share our stories and listen…..
The Gay Community, if there really is such a thing anymore, needs to understand that we are diverse. We need to accept and celebrate that or we are no better than the Conservatives and the Religious Right who try to force everyone into their own little stereotypes of appropriate behavior.
And we need to learn to celebrate and support one of our own when he’s on the way to making it big.
This song and video by Steve Grand seems to be going seriously viral over the 4th of July Holiday and justifiably so…
This is a very touching video that hits home to a lot of we guys who grew up far from the City Lights of the Gay Ghetto’s in New York, Washington and San Francisco. This young man really captures the angst of being a young, Gay guy in a very straight world.
I’ve seen some pissy comments from some of the Big City Gay guys about this video and all I have to say is, either you’ve forgotten where you came from or you were really, really lucky…
As evidenced here, Steve Grand is a very talented young, Gay singer-songwriter. I hope to see and hear much more from him soon.
And on another level, this song and video also fills a void in genre music. There has been a vital Womyn’s Music scene for many years, but the Gay Male music scene has really struggled to find an audience. Matt Alber had a similar break through, a couple of years ago, with “End of the World.”
I think Steve Grand has the potential to follow, and perhaps exceed, Matt’s success, change this dynamic and, hopefully, also find a successful place in the mainstream music world. Steve apparently wants to be the first “out” Gay Country Music Star and it’s certainly time…
Writing this song and making this video also seems to be a very personal and brave decision by this young man.
As Steve writes on his FaceBook page:
I fought with who I was for most of my life. In every way a young person can fight with himself.
But starting today… I’m laying it out there. I’m done playing it safe.
I don’t have a manager or a label or any sort of funding other than the tip money I make playing piano downtown at The Joynt, and also, ironically to some, in the churches on Sunday morning… (we’ll see how long I’ll be singing “Glory to God” should this video see the light of day).
As far as the ascetic achievements of the video… lets just say I was lucky to have a good friend introduce me to the best team I could have asked for… who held on to the roller coaster that was this project and dealt with all my intensity and craziness as the true professionals they were.
I wrote the song during a drunken piano jam session at a party. I recorded the vocals in my parents basement and worked with my friend Max Steger: http://maxsteger.com/ to record and mix the rest of the instruments.
I feel like music industry people wouldn’t like the idea of me “pigeonholing” myself by telling this story as I have. But I don’t believe the world sees change until it sees honesty.
So I went in on my own.
I went all in. There is no Plan B. I’m nervous/excited/horrified/anxious about the implications all of the choices I am making (and have made throughout my journey of discovering myself as a man and as an artist) will have on my future. But then I remind myself I never really had a choice. This is the story I’ve been aching to tell my most of my life… it is what I hold dearest to me.
And he later posted:
time to be brave. the world does not see change until it sees honesty. I am taking a risk here in many ways, but really there is no choice but to be brave. To not tell this story is to let my soul die. It is all I believe in. It is all I hold dear. We have all longed for someone we can never have… we all have felt that ache for our #allamericanboy
I feel the need to share a few thoughts about Boston and the tragedy that occurred there….
I can already see people trying to use this horrible act of terrorism to justify their own ends and feel the need to give my perspective….
This attack was personal to me, at least at first, as I had some friends at the Marathon in Boston. I and they were lucky. They were fine…
But that still made feel connected to this in a way I haven’t felt connected to these events since that awful day in September of 2001…
First of all, as more details are emerging about the Boston Marathon bombings, people are desperately trying to make a link to Islam and Islamic terrorism. This really disturbs me…
I just want to ask people to stop, think and remember- three things that are increasingly difficult to ask people to do in America.
Remember, if there is a religious link, it is not a question of Islam being the root of all evil and driving terrorism. Violence is contrary to the teachings of Islam, just as it is to Christianity.
Fundamentalism and the viewpoint that one’s personal views are right at the expense of all others is the aspect of any religion- or politics- to fear.
No single religion drives Terrorism. Angry, isolated people do….
Stop and think about it…
And remember….
Two of the worst terrorist attacks in America were perpetrated by so-called Christians.
Eric Rudolph was the man who executed the deadly bombing at the Olympic Park in Atlanta back in the 1990’s that also injured many more people than it killed. He also killed and maimed others with his bombs at abortion clinics. He was a member of the Christian Identity Movement.
Timothy McVeigh, who killed 186 people when he bombed the Federal Office building in Oklahoma City, was also a Christian. He was upset at the government response to the Branch Davidian sect and the tragedy that followed.
They both wanted to be the personal delivery mechanism of vengeance…and they were Christians.
So, don’t blame Islam. Don’t blame Christians….
Blame the poor, sick, lost individuals who perpetrate these acts of terror.
Think….
Think of the victims and their families. Wish them a recovery and the peace and strength to handle what they were so unexpectedly given.
Don’t spend so much time worrying about the perpetrators and don’t seek to place blame so simplistically and freely.
Don’t look at this as an opportunity to reinforce stereotypes and your own prejudices.
Don’t try to make political mileage out of this like so many politicians are already trying to do….
Remember the 3 tragic victims who’s lives were cut so tragically and unexpectedly short. Remember the people with such horrific injuries that their lives are changed forever.
And remember this is an aberration. This was an act committed by a couple of young men whose’s reasons we may never really know, accept or understand.
This was their choice, their crime, their individual action…
Like it or not, we have to try to hold individuals accountable and not seek to judge whole groups of people just because we perceive they aren’t like us or our beliefs….
Times like this should not be used to drive personal agendas…We should have learned that from all the mistakes after 9/11.
Remember….
You can’t blame a whole group of people or people of a certain belief for the actions of a couple of misguided or sick so-called “losers”….
At times like this, we have to think- not just feel or blindly react. We can’t look for simple solutions in a complex world.
But, stop and think….
We can try to follow a few simple, personal guidelines to get through times like this….
First, focus on the living and on life….
Then focus on keeping our freedoms, not using actions like this as an excuse to limit them…
Focus on preaching love, not hate….
Focus on practicing acceptance and not judgement…
Focus not just on putting yourself your beliefs first, but think on how you can give hope to others, understand their journeys and help them move forward in life…no matter that they may not believe just as you do….
We really are all in this together. Boston proves that. As did New York, the Pentagon, Oklahoma City and Atlanta….
Don’t focus on hate and blame; that’s probably the type of thinking that drove these two young men to perpetrate this horror…
Focus on the right things….
The good things…
That’s the best way to avoid this happening again…..
I agree with some of the comments on this, particularly, “What a little idiot”….
It’s bad enough he has to inflict his homogenized “music” on a generation, now he thinks he can comment on every subject…
And, of course he responds based on how it all relates to him…
I bet he can’t even spell “holocaust”….
The worst things about these baby “stars” is the are taught the entire world centers on them and they get no education….
If his parents weren’t so greedy, the would make him take a break and go back to school. Starting in a remedial Kindergarten…
It’s just a matter of time before he becomes the next Lindsay Lohan….
From HuffingtonPost.com:
This kind of makes us cringe.
Justin Bieber stopped by the Anne Frank House on Friday (April 12), touring the Amsterdam hiding place of the young Holocaust victim and diarist. But it wasn’t his appearance that got people talking — it was his comments.
According to the Anne Frank House’s Facebook page, the 19-year-old singer — who is now on the European leg of his Believe tour and performed in the nearby Dutch city of Arnhem in the Netherlands on Saturday night — left a message in the museum’s guestbook, writing:
“Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.”
The comment stirred up a lot of conversation on social media, with people calling Bieber “a little idiot” who is “way too full of himself.”
More bad publicity for the State of North Carolina…
This is from one the latest batch of GOP idiots elected to the State Legislature last election- when the Democrats stayed home….
Elections have consequences and that one had big ones- it handed the State Legislature to the GOP along with the power to gerrymander the districts to make it safe for people like this to keep their seats…
But this woman is just beyond stupid…
But if you click the link and look at her picture….
From TalkingPointsMemo.com:
A Republican legislator in North Carolina told a constituent that she has misgivings with an Islamic prayer being conducted before a legislative meeting because she doesn’t “condone terrorism,” the Raleigh News & Observer reported Wednesday.
In an email exchange obtained by the News & Observer, state Rep. Michele Presnell (R) was responding to a constituent who asked her if she is comfortable with a prayer to Allah taking place before the meeting.
“No, I do not condone terrorism,” Presnell responded to the constituent.
Presnell did not immediately respond to TPM’s request for comment.
The constituent was taking Presnell to task over an ACLU lawsuit against a North Carolina county over Christian prayers being conducted before commissioners meetings there. That lawsuit was the impetus for a bill that would nullify any federal ruling on prayer in the state, on which Presnell is a co-sponsor.
People just didn’t realize it in time to prevent him from becoming a Senator….
The good news is, the Peter Principle has kicked in: He has reached- and surpassed- his level of incompetence….
And he’s illustrating it on the national stage….
From ThinkProgress.org:
On Wednesday morning, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) gave an address at the historically-black Howard University designed to convince black voters to support Republicans. While some of his remarks, most notably on harsh drug laws and other civil liberties issues, were well-received, the majority of the speech consisted in Paul condescendingly explaining American racial history to the audience, occasionally incorrectly, and expecting that it would open black voters’ eyes to the real Republican Party. Here are five moments that encapsulated the general problem with Paul’s speech:
Well, they don’t get much simpler or crazier than Pat but he sure isn’t humble….
He thinks Americans should be “simple” and “humble” like Africans so we would believe in Miracles.
This is a) racist and b) stupid.
He’s really saying only the ignorant can be fooled into believing in miracles….
Or, in my mind, in the Republican Party and Televangelists….
Those guys count on ignorance….
And of course he knows nothing about the complexity and history of Africa.
He’s commenting from his own ignorant, Old South Plantation Era mindset…
It may have been April 1st yesterday, but televangelist Pat Robertson wasn’t kidding when he told a viewer that Americans aren’t experiencing God’s miracles because they are too “sophisticated.”
Why do miracles “happen with great frequency in Africa, and not here in the USA?” asked a 700 Club patron Ken. “People overseas didn’t go to Ivy League schools,” Robertson replied with a chuckle.
“We are so sophisticated, we think we’ve got everything figured out,” the Christian Broadcasting Network chairman continued. “We know about evolution, we know about Darwin, we know about all these things that says God isn’t real, we know about all this stuff.”
According to Robertson, it’s the “skepticism and secularism” that is being taught at “the most advanced schools” around the country that is keeping God’s miracles at bay.
Meanwhile, Africans are “simple” and “humble.” “You tell ‘em God loves ‘em and they say, ‘Okay, he loves me’,” said Robertson. “You say God will do miracles and they say, ‘Okay, we believe him’.”
If Americans wish to experience more miracle, Robertson concluded, they must reject their miracle-negating sophistication in favor of the more credulous African way of life.
Lost in the 21st Century 
Flashback: What to take to College: Freshman Year-1977
It’s almost time for the kids to head off to college and this always makes me think of when I left for my Freshman year at Washington and Lee University in September of 1977.
I start this post with a sense of trepidation as I fear it may turn into one of those “I walked 5 miles each way to school in the snow and you children have it so easy” posts….
Still, thinking back over this, I’m amazed at how much things have changed since 1977. So, at the risk of making myself seem ancient, I’m going to try to revisit the list of things that were essential to our college life at that time:
That’s about it….
Oh, and Washington and Lee was then an all-boys school. It would not go co-ed until 1986 or so….
We shared a pay phone in the hall and all chipped in to share another direct dial phone in one guys room. Cell phones had not yet been invented. One of our major expenses each month was long distance phone calls to our friends at other schools and dates at the “Girls Schools” like Hollins, Sweet Briar, Mary Baldwin and Randolph Macon Woman’s College. Most of us made our families track us down at the pay phone in the hall and didn’t give our parents the shared phone number. We wrote letters and notes home via snail mail. Mainly to ask for money….
To get said mail, we had to open Post Office Boxes at the Post Office and go by there daily- or sometimes twice daily- to check our mail for checks. We also had to open checking accounts at the local bank as large state-wide- not national- banks were just starting up….
We shared a refrigerator in the hall. Thanks to the Honor Code, it was no big deal and nothing was ever stolen.
Note what we did not have:
When we look at the rising cost of education, I can’t help wonder what the breakdown is and how much is driven by the increased amenities today’s students “need”…
We also did walk to class in the snow. We didn’t cancel classes back then as schools did not have the liability issues they face today…..
It was a different time and place….
And, sometimes, I kind of miss the simplicity and slower pace of those days….
I don’t miss the lack of air conditioning…
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